PRACTICAL APPLICATION OF RECOVERY-STEP FOUR

When we begin looking inwardly at ourselves we will find that without any help from others our lives are in a mess. We have hurt others by our self-centeredness and our selfish behaviour and have hurt ourselves by our stubbornness to accept that sometimes we may be at fault.

We will also find that it has become second nature to blame others for our problems. This is our protective or defence mechanism at work and does not only apply to persons with addictive personality disorders.

Now let us be truly honest, is it really the fault of others that we are on the road to self destruction? Or is it not really an excuse to hide the truth from ourselves to protect our ego, to fool ourselves into thinking we are not really so self-centred, so weak, so worthless, so dumb?

We begin the process towards understanding ourselves when we write down our past actions and how they affected ourselves and others.

We also begin to recognize that on almost every occasion that we gave in to our addiction the one we hurt most was ourselves, whether it was by losing a cherished friend or destroying a well thought out dream.

In doing this exercise it would be helpful if you write down some of the behavioural patterns on which you would begin to work. For example, you can start by asking these questions which is really just the tip of the iceberg.

QUESTION	YES	NO
Am I guilty of attempting to control the actions of others?
Do I defend my position even though I know it to be wrong?
Have I been envious of the career goals of my spouse?
Have my actions caused others hurt or pain?
Do I abuse others mentally, physically, and emotionally?
Have I considered the effects of my actions on others?
Do my actions reflect maturity?